Casting

Last Saturday we meet some friends in Ocean Beach after Robby's football game. It was wonderful to be out and about after so many weeks of feeling like I was only able to have limited time out of the house without being over come with fatigue. Recovering from surgery is much more difficult than anything I've experienced and I treasure any little outings. This particular Saturday included all the things that meant the most to me: Aly, the kids, football-pee wee Hawkeyes style, good friends, cold beer and the beach.

After watching a winning football game and amazing tackles by our budding pro football player, ok I may be a bit bias. So what. We headed down to Ocean Beach for some of the best fish tacos, cold beers and views of the ocean that San Diego has to offer. We had some laughs for sure and plenty of good natured ribbing from Jen to keep us all in check. After our feast of oysters and Blue Moon beer we headed over to Jungle Java for some coffee. We chatted some more and before we knew it the sun had set and it was getting late. The gals decided it was time to head home and we knew it was time to make the long trek home to Murrieta. We weren't quite ready to let go of the day and as we were walking to our car we decided to take a stroll out on OB Pier.

All the years I've lived in San Diego, I've never been out on the pier this time of night. Normally you can't go all the way out and it was treat to see that you could walk all the way out to the end. The sun had fully set and the pier was dark, romantic and just the thing we needed to complete our day. We started walking down the pier and saw a few folks with fishing gear and polls in the water. I've seen people fish lots of times off the pier but I was not at all ready to see what lay ahead of us. We saw people selling glow sticks and it became clear that the further we traveled down the pier, the further we were heading into this sub culture that was nothing like I've ever experienced. There pier was lined with poll after poll with glow sticks attached to ends. It seemed that each person there seemed to have their own story. There was the father with his two little girls. He was patiently explaining how to bait the hook and how to tie the glow stick to the end of the line. The little girls were huddled together under a blanket, watching him closely, hanging on his every word. Maybe this Saturday night they finally got to go with Daddy and Mommy got to enjoy a few hours alone to have some peace and quiet. Across from them were the three young guys goofing around, but not too loudly to be an annoyance. They had a cooler of beers but seemed like the kind of boys that most likely shared a 12 pack and had as many waters and sodas as they did beer. They seemed like good boys, I mean they were hanging out fishing on a Saturday night. They looked like the kind of boys that would visit their Moms on Sunday and help their Dad with home repairs. We walked further down the pier and saw a sprinkling of homeless people and had the realization that this was not just a way to spend a Saturday night for them. This was food, free food and you could feel an almost desperation in every cast of their poll. They needed to catch something. We got close the point of the pier where it dead ends and branches off to the left and right. We found a small space of railing and just stood there in silence. There was less light and more darkness from the ocean. From where we stood, we saw what seemed like waves of glow sticks jumping in the air and landing in the water. Each one was a poll being cast into the water, they looked like a falling star, a firefly above the ocean.

I was struck by the hopefulness each cast seemed to represent. For some it was a way to pass the time. Sweethearts that made a ritual of Saturday night fishing, not really expecting to catch a fish but just enjoying the passing of time with each other. The Asian families that seem to be continuing some kind of Jungian archetype that even they may not be aware of. They just enjoyed being there with their family. Casting a line over and over, most came back empty and yet they would throw it back over and over. No fishing rage, just a calm hush that was peaceful. A few people seemed to have fish in their buckets but there was no touchdown dance or hooting for victory, just a quiet evaluation if they would keep the fish or set it free. Men quiet in thought, a woman alone in an almost meditative state, you felt safe and almost invisible. We were the silent lesbian couple that no one noticed or cared about. We looked for a few more minutes as some glow sticks bobbed in the water, and others danced in an arc while being cast for another hopeful attempt at success.

I thought about our difficult summer and all we've been through. I think all we can do is keep casting, hope that this time we're more successful and that we finally get the success we're looking for. If not, that's ok....we'll still have that glimmer of light at the end of the poll and we can just pull in the line and try again and again.