Another One Down, Another One Stronger

I don’t know why I take it hard when I read about a famous couple that breaks up. I remember when Brad and Jen were over, I didn’t want it to be true. No way not them!! Recently, I was disheartened to first learn about Jim Carey and Jenny McCarthy, and then of course Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels. These were two couples that seemed connected at a soul level and seeing them break up left me feeling confused. I mean, no one really knows what happens between two people and certainly with celebrities they only show the good and not the bad. You only see the beautiful weddings or read the gushing interviews about being soul mates. I have to believe that Ellen and Portia really are happy and in love. They seem so committed to each other and to their marriage. I’m holding out hope that they’re working hard to be forever.
I’ve been in one of those long term relationships that everyone thought was great and everyone was shocked when it ended. We looked good from the outside, like an avocado that seems perfectly ripe but once you open it up its no good. We never fought so there was never a scene for anyone to recall, we laughed and joked around when we were in public. We just lacked that key spark, we were friends but we had no idea how to make a relationship work. So we drifted along in friendship disguised as a relationship for 6 years, feeling lonely and unfilled in the ways a relationship should enhance your life. We got stuck because there was no affair, no drugs, or alcohol to blame. No one was a jerk or had anger issues to work out. We looked ok on the outside but had nothing of any substance on the inside to nourish us. Eventually the unhappiness was too much to bare and the relationship was put out of it's misery.
Many years later, I’m with the love of my life and I'm very happy but I can also tell you that we have our issues. I think that’s what we should really be sharing. It's not all about how it’s always sunny and roses. When we’re in public you can see our chemistry and you might even see us bicker but you will also see us hug and kiss within minutes. When you find someone that you have passion and a spark with, well you can expect a fight or two. Now look, there was a good long time that passed when I would looked at this woman and swore with every fiber of my being that I could never ever be mad at her. There was just no way that she could ever do anything that would make me raise my voice, oh and this was like a good year into our relationship. Oh we would gaze into each other’s eyes and say that we could never imagine a day that harsh words could ever be spoken between us. HA HA!! Let me say that again HA! Yes we can actually look back at that time and laugh our butts off. Oh we fight now, but don’t worry that’s an ok thing.
What we’re finding out is that if you fight fair, it can be the thing that makes you get to the core of what’s bothering you. It’s the thing that makes you resolve all your baggage that you’ve had from your childhood. Fighting makes you learn what your weaknesses are and what your strengths are. It makes you learn how to respect each other and it makes you learn just how much love you have in your heart for this person. I trust her completely and I think that’s why sometimes she can push my buttons and make me so incredibly upset. Yes you may re-read that. I trust her so much that I really let the full strength of fears and vulnerabilities show themselves and I know she does the same with me. Do you know what that means? It means we have a heated argument now and then but we’re better more evolved people for it. It also means that when we get to the other side she feels better than ever to me. It’s like I fall deeper in love with her, like it’s to a depth that I never thought possible. It means when say I love you it has so much meaning behind it. We’re deep into this now, there’s nothing superficial about us. We know each other so well and that means all the good and bad. She’s the one I want to come home to every day and I want to sleep next to. This is the real deal folks.
I don’t know what happened with these famous couple and it breaks my heart even more for Melissa and Tammy because they have kids. I know it must not have been an easy decision. Maybe for some people,seeing these couples break up gives them the excuse to say, “See nothing last anyhow, if that can’t make who can?” Well Aly and Steph can. I find myself looking at couple that have broken up and saying, “Dang, that’s not going to be us!” I’m going to keep fighting and keep loving her. We’re more like that organic avocado that might have a few imperfections on the outside. You know like a little knot here or a dirt spot there but when you open it up, it’s the most beautiful green inside. It’s had time to slowly ripen in such a way that it feeds us body and soul.