Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Bigger than me

Sometimes I worry that it's bigger than me
I'm not used to that
I always thought I was a fighter
just set my mind to it, mind over matter
I can beat it
Lately it has more days it wins than I do
No matter how hard I fight
Some days I just don't have any more fight in me
All I can do is hope that a few more hours sleep
a few more pills
maybe a new pill will help
I can't remember what it was like before it was
me vs. lupus
used to be...but you don't look sick
now I can see it in my friends eyes
concern they feel uncomfortable asking me directly about
the private converstations away from me
asking how I'm doing, giving the latest update
she has to take this on now
it feel so much bigger than me now

1 comment:

  1. But you still take it one day at a time, and you show up to fight, and you never complain. And everyone sees you and everything that you are, which is much more than someone with lupus. I'm sorry it feels so big, baby.

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